"Yah, but it's okay. Just so long as he doesn't like sleep on my pillow or anything."
Sam, the one that looks like he's given birth to 45 liters of kittens, he's decided that INSIDE my suit case is his favorite bed. Every day when I wake up, or come home from the beach, or walk up stairs to grab my suit, Sam's just chilling out on all of my clothes. Grrrrrreat. And I can't even pick him up and take him somewhere else because he's too fat, I'd hurt my back. And every time I shoo him away, he just finds another way back inside. I just know one day I'll come home and he's gonna be wearing my dress and trying on my shoes.
Worst part is: He's kinda growing on me. You know, the way he actually COMES when you call him for his insulin shot. The way he thinks he's skinny and can jump up onto high places.
"Sam, you're dreaming."
The other cat tantalizes him by jumping on top of the 8 foot tall TV hutch and snarls from the top.
|Sam. And all his chins|
|That's him next to a 12 inch long remote control. |
It doesn't give him justice.
I'M THE CRAZY CAT LADY!
Pretty soon I'm gonna pull all my hair into a tight, gel-induced bun. And I'm gonna sleep in a California King sized bed with my 43 cats. I'm gonna pre-chew their food so it's softer on their little teeth, and serve it to them on my finest china. I'm never gonna go anywhere, cause I'd miss my cats too much. I'm gonna work at the library and snap at young people for using the internet and having $2 in over due fines. GAH! I need to go wear red heels and find cool friends or something.
So yesterday we were scheduled to go snorkeling. The only thing that might scare me more than looking under the water is: sharks, (which I was sure to come upon whilst looking under water) and having my (alarmingly) recurrent nightmare of finding myself in public completely naked and no one will lend me clothes (because they thought I would stretch them out. Geeee David, I wonder why I'm so self conscious about stretching people's clothes out....) So, as you can tell, snorkeling was a pretty terrifying idea! But I needed to try it. I needed to try it at least once.
The big day started out with some masadas.
|They're some kind of donut. So obviously like my best friend. |
Oh good! And here I was worried that my acne might ACTUALLY clear up.
Phew!! Disaster averted.
|See what I mean? CAH-YOU-TEA! You too, Jess.|
|Alright. Soooooo. Snorkeling. Yah. I can do this. This is okay. I GOT this.|
|Alllllright. Almost ready.|
|No, I don't think my mask is going to work. I'm just gonna go home and crawl under the bed.|
|You know what? No! I'm doing this.|
|Okay. Maybe this is okay. Okay. Okay. Maybe.|
"Oh my gosh. I can't do this!" *wraps legs around boogie board*
Laura: "I'm paddling us deeper, and YOU are going to snorkel. Gosh darn it."
We get further into the depths of the sea, where she is ready to feed me to the sharks. Or something like that. I glance under water again, where I saw animals moving.
"NO NO NO NO NO NO! Oh No! NO NO LAURA! No NO NO! There are FISH! No No No! Take me back! TAKE! ME! BACK!"
I went back, and laid in the sun. Which is such a good idea for someone with such skin as mine.
Today, I resemble a tomato. Or my toe after I stubbed it on the reef. I keep scratching my arms and legs, and then realize AFTER the fact that I have 3rd degree burns and for the next 30 seconds I blink back my tears while the pain passes.
On a brighter note (like there's anything brighter than my skin at this moment!) my toes are looking SO FLY!
|Crazy bird lady. WAY worse than a crazy cat lady.|
|Still alive. before the burns set in.|
|She's still alive too.|
|So Baywatch. Constantly.|
|Sam. Demonstrating how I was earlier on the boogie board.|
I plan to repack my bags, that is if I can evict Sam long enough to zip it all up. And tomorrow I'm going to school with Jessica. Then I head home.
And on that note, I say goodnight.
Sleep well, and by Tuesday at 10:30 AM your time, I'll be (hopefully) safely and alive in the Mother Land.