Thursday, October 20, 2011


Well folks, it's the end of the road for me. I've finished my grand adventure. I'm home, and familiar again. I'm just plain ol' Grace. My stories all told. My gifts all given.

I'm still an unemployed loser, but Lord willing not forever.
I have a beautiful car-
I get to snuggle babies. AAAAAAAAH! BABIES! 

Amara was delighted by my reappearance, which fills my soul with joy. 

Lily is a chunk. Obviously hasn't missed a meal. 


Christian has hair on his WHOLE head, not just the top. 

I have my bed back. 
And really, what could be more glorious than your own bed? I can't really think of anything.

I've been surprisingly busy with errands and things involving getting my life back in order. The hour after I arrived home, I was making my To-Do list. By the time I woke up the next morning I was feeling a little overwhelmed by how it had procreated over night.

That's not a booger in my nose. It's just a hair.
From my head. Not my nose.
I don't have nose hairs.
 Sara came over early in the morning, and pulled my tush outta bed and went on EVERY single errand with me, and then folded my laundry, even my underwear. EEEW.
Thanks, Sara! *muah*

I unpacked.
Some treasures.

 I have pictures to hang. And no wall space.

I went to the library and put like 28 books on hold. Reading!! Who knew???

I miss Aaron and Brenda. Mostly Brenda. ;) 

But Aaron a little tiny bit. 

Rock on.

I miss Jessica. 

And Laura Baby. 

But I suppose it's good to be home. 

I want to thank you for reading, and following me on my journey!

Here ends my adventures.
And my blog. 

That's all folks!


Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Little Miss Helper

Today is the girls' first day back to school, and my very last day before I embark on my journey homeward.

I woke up this morning with the depressing thought that I wouldn't be able to sleep again for the next 36 hours, made even more depressing by how little sleep I actually got last night. (WHY did I watch the Craig's List Killer?! WHY?! It always seems like such a great idea when it first starts, then when you've gone 2 weeks without sleep you curse your poor decision-making skills.
Like McDonald's: Seems like such a tasty idea, then you pay for it later with hours of upset stomach, diarrhea and feeling that you've just spent the day rubbing french fries all over your nose and cheeks.)
Another depressing thought was that today was my last day with Jessica and Laura. And Sam. And involuntary sweating. And shave ice. And highways called likelike [licky-licky].  

On a brighter note, I am Miss Spears' special helper today for her first grade class. Though I'm not entirely certain how helpful I've been.

Distracting the children by taking pictures. And winking at them.

During prayer request time: 
Miss Spears: Does anyone have any prayer requests?
Kika: that my sister's coach's son's head wont be hurted anymore. 
Gabe: that I wont be eeelergic to dogs and catses danders. 
Teah: uuum...that my daddy's back that was itchy this morning wont be itchy anymore. 

*snicker from back of classroom. 

Miss Spears: .......And please God, we pray that you would be with Teah's daddy, and help his back not to be itchy anymore
*head in arms, shaking from laughter* 

Jessica: *long pause for inward laughing.* aaaand *voice shaking* thank you for this day, Amen. 

Sorry, Jess. I shouldn't have been invited today. I am the OPPOSITE of helpful.  
Super cool Visitor's badge.

Though my day has been made by the little boy with impossibly chubby cheeks that keeps turning around and smiling at me. He says things like, "bwuther."

oooooooooooh! I LOVE him!

Very nice job, Miss Spears. Gold Star!
Now that my adventures are coming to a close, I find myself reflecting on the past 5 weeks and looking on to what the future might hold for me when I get home. 


I’ve got about 40 minutes before I board my flight, and I have this overwhelming feeling of happiness. It’s odd, because this whole day I have not been so cheery. But you know, I’m just ready to be going home.

So ready.

Despite the fact that I’ll be unemployed, and a loser bum with no idea what my life will hold, I know it’ll be alright. Even though at dinner (P.F. Changes-you complete me!)  Jessica’s fortune was “all your dreams will come true” and Laura’s was, “You can do anything you set your mind to!” mine was, “Forget your wishful thinking. Be practical….and P.S. you are a loser and have no life.” Somehow, SOMEHOW, I still gots this cheery grin thing going on.

It might have something to do with the fact that Jessica loaded me up with a box-o-Dots SO filled with the possibility of containing large quantities of pinks and/or reds, or that soon I will have my sweet loves in the very same time zone as me! Maybe it’s the thought of squeezing my babies to [near] death! Or eating breakfast with my mommy in Seattle during my 2 year layover, or drinking coffee with Amy in the morning, or watching the Cash Cab with my dad, or quoting movies during dinner clean up with Adam (A.K.A NOT doing dinner clean up with Adam) and being with my brothers (ALL of them!).  Or maybe it’s just getting the chance to breathe in that sweet, fresh air. Even if you don't want me to.

But I think it’s a combination of all of the above. And what’s not be excited about, when I’ve got ALL that waiting at home?!

I sure hope I sit in a seat that’s head phone jack is broken again.

Better yet, I hope they play Mr. Popper’s Penguins. I’ve only seen it 2 times in the last 8 days. I’m ACHING for a 3rd viewing.

Though I took a Tylenol PM, so I don’t know how much of the world I’m going to be aware of very soon. I’ll probly fall asleep on the tattooed arm of a 500 pound Samoan man and drool all over him. But since he’s lived in Hawaii, he’s the kindest man in the world. And just lets me. I wouldn’t mind waking up in Seattle in 6 hours! 

There’s a very elderly lady sitting across from me that’s blowing up her neck pillow (hey uncle Mitch, mine’s worked AWESOME! Thanks so much for lending it to me!) and I’m quite concerned. She’s turning purple.

Meh. She’ll be fine.

Well, I’m about to board, though I AM in the very last seat, so I’m likely to not board until 2 seconds before we take off.

I'm gonna be finishing off my blog hopefully today or tomorrow with one. last. post.

Sunday, October 16, 2011


The people's who's house we're staying in, own two cats. One's name is Sam. The other....we don't actually remember his name. Well Sam is diabetic and weighs about 200 pounds and the other one likes to sneak into the bathroom at night, and scare me when I have to go by rubbing up against my legs. When we were coming back from the airport Laura asked me if I was allergic to cats.
"Yah, but it's okay. Just so long as he doesn't like sleep on my pillow or anything."

Sam, the one that looks like he's given birth to 45 liters of kittens, he's decided that INSIDE my suit case is his favorite bed. Every day when I wake up, or come home from the beach, or walk up stairs to grab my suit, Sam's just chilling out on all of my clothes. Grrrrrreat. And I can't even pick him up and take him somewhere else because he's too fat, I'd hurt my back. And every time I shoo him away, he just finds another way back inside. I just know one day I'll come home and he's gonna be wearing my dress and trying on my shoes.


Worst part is: He's kinda growing on me. You know, the way he actually COMES when you call him for his insulin shot. The way he thinks he's skinny and can jump up onto high places.
"Sam, you're dreaming."
The other cat tantalizes him by jumping on top of the 8 foot tall TV hutch and snarls from the top.

Sam. And all his chins

That's him next to a 12 inch long remote control.
It doesn't give him justice.
And wow. I just realized how long I've been talking about cats.

Oh gosh.


Pretty soon I'm gonna pull all my hair into a tight, gel-induced bun. And I'm gonna sleep in a California King sized bed with my 43 cats. I'm gonna pre-chew their food so it's softer on their little teeth, and serve it to them on my finest china. I'm never gonna go anywhere, cause I'd miss my cats too much. I'm gonna work at the library and snap at young people for using the internet and having $2 in over due fines. GAH! I need to go wear red heels and find cool friends or something.

So yesterday we were scheduled to go snorkeling. The only thing that might scare me more than looking under the water is: sharks, (which I was sure to come upon whilst looking under water) and having my (alarmingly) recurrent nightmare of finding myself in public completely naked and no one will lend me clothes (because they thought I would stretch them out. Geeee David, I wonder why I'm so self conscious about stretching people's clothes out....) So, as you can tell, snorkeling was a pretty terrifying idea! But I needed to try it. I needed to try it at least once.

 The big day started out with some masadas. 
They're some kind of donut. So obviously like my best friend.
Oh good! And here I was worried that my acne might ACTUALLY clear up.
Phew!! Disaster averted.

A family from the church the girls attend here lent us the snorkeling equipment. And let me tell you, the only thing cuter than me without a snorkel mask on, is me WITH a snorkel mask on. OOOOOh baby.

See what I mean? CAH-YOU-TEA! You too, Jess.
We headed over to Laniki beach. We kayaked over it the other day, and I didn't see any (flocks?) of sharks, so I was more open to the idea of this particular location. There were loads of snorkelers and even more coral reefs to explore. The water was relatively calm, and it looked like prime snorkel time. (Like I know anything.)

Getting adjusted.

Alright. Soooooo. Snorkeling. Yah. I can do this. This is okay. I GOT this.

Alllllright. Almost ready.

No, I don't think my mask is going to work. I'm just gonna go home and crawl under the bed.

You know what? No! I'm doing this.

Okay. Maybe this is okay. Okay. Okay. Maybe.

 At this point, Laura put down the camera to come paddle around on the reef and push me back into the water when I tried to get out and cry. My first real look under water was a little clouded by my hyperventilation.
"Oh my gosh. I can't do this!" *wraps legs around boogie board*
Laura: "I'm paddling us deeper, and YOU are going to snorkel. Gosh darn it."
We get further into the depths of the sea, where she is ready to feed me to the sharks. Or something like that. I glance under water again, where I saw animals moving.

"NO NO NO NO NO NO! Oh No! NO NO LAURA! No NO NO! There are FISH! No No No! Take me back! TAKE! ME! BACK!"

I went back, and laid in the sun. Which is such a good idea for someone with such skin as mine.

Today, I resemble a tomato. Or my toe after I stubbed it on the reef. I keep scratching my arms and legs, and then realize AFTER the fact that I have 3rd degree burns and for the next 30 seconds I blink back my tears while the pain passes.

On a brighter note (like there's anything brighter than my skin at this moment!) my toes are looking SO FLY!

Crazy bird lady. WAY worse than a crazy cat lady.

Still alive. before the burns set in.

She's still alive too.

So Baywatch. Constantly.

Sam. Demonstrating how I was earlier on the boogie board.
Anyways, today we went to church, heard a wonderful sermon, now we're laying around watching stupid chick flicks while I try not to let anything touch my skin.

I plan to repack my bags, that is if I can evict Sam long enough to zip it all up. And tomorrow I'm going to school with Jessica. Then I head home.

And on that note, I say goodnight.

Sleep well, and by Tuesday at 10:30 AM your time, I'll be (hopefully) safely and alive in the Mother Land.


Saturday, October 15, 2011

So much shirtlessness.

Friday. Well, Friday started off with pancakes and pedicures.

No, we didn't get to eat our pancakes WHILE getting a pedicure, but that would have been nice.

Laura has a man toe cleaner guy! A MAN!
And her very first pedicure too!

 Maybe I should get my circulation checked out.

(That's like the 3rd time I've told that joke, and it's still not funny)

When will I learn?
Fancy Feet.

After pedicures, we went to their condo and snarfed food.

Even though the beginning of our day consisted of virtually zero activity, the girls were wiped out, so they took naps.
Tonight we had reservations for the Paradise Cove Luau.
I had no idea what to expect from a Luau, except that I knew there would be food, which was reason enough for me to be thrilled. 

I curled my hair and put on makeup. For the first time in 5 weeks. 

I was dressed and ready first, so I went down stairs to watch TV. A bit later, Laura woke up from her nap.
" that what you're wearing.....?" 
"..........uh, yes...
WHY?! What are YOU wearing?" 
"Oh, no. You look....nice. We're just wearing dresses..." 
DRESSES?! Oh great. That's just great.

From start to finish, the girls spent like 5 seconds getting ready, and they looked SMOKING hot. I spent like 45 minutes. And I looked like I'd just spent 12 hours scooping poop.


So then we spent like 8 hours in traffic, and eventually, FINALLY arrived.

We were greeted with flowers for our hair, and drinks. 
Mine was the coolest. Probly because they felt bad that I looked the worst.

We stood in a line, waiting for God-knows-what. Soon it became evident that the line was so we could stand by half naked Hawaiian people and get our pictures taken! This started the girls' shall I say.....obsession perhaps...with the evenings' Hawaiian men.

We snapped a shot, and entered the Luau. Doe eyed and filled with wonderment, we looked out onto the gorgeous beach front, and all the little huts. The whole place was dripping with Hawaiian culture. And Hawaiians. (Namely the half naked kind that Laura and Jessica were drooling over.)
We found our seat assignment (awesome. In between the only 2 families with small children. Good.)

Canoe rides? We think yes.
Pocahontas, I mean Laura.

Jessica and I decided not to help row so much, as just sit and do nothing.
Once we'd finished having our tushes rowed around the harbor, we looked around to see who else would entertain us. 

It soon became very evident that Jessica was going to have an AMAZING evening. Laura and I were having fun. But Jessica was in HEAVEN.
"OH! LOOK! Over there! Let's get tattoos! Oh! Look! Hula! Oh! Cool! Look, tree climbers! OOOH! He's tying his sarong! Let's go watch! OHHH! WOWOWOWOWOWOW!"

tattoo. It was quite ugly, so I washed it off about 20 seconds after he was done.

Jessica. Loving every second. Ugly tattoo. She don't mind.
My "flower"
Yah, whatever. Thanks for NOTHING shirtless Hawaiian man.
Laura's also loving it.
Lovely sunset.
 I just got off the phone with my dad who was looking at the pictures of the Luau while talking to me.
"wow! Jessica and Laura look so beautiful! SO lovely. Just beautiful................"

"Yah Dad, I know I looked terrible.."
"Well no! It's not's just that you were wearing all....."
"Yah, well, it's all I had."
"............the blue shirt is nice..."
It's okay, Dad. I know.
Pretty Lady.


I look like a man.

They left me for like 2 hours to go get their adult beverages. I sipped my juice box.
"can we get you anything, Grace? Some water? Milk?" 

Insanely beautiful.

Grace: "Why are you sweaty? Can we not touch?"

Adam. I found the ladies.

These disgustingly attractive hula dancers taught me how to hula.
It wasn't until after the lesson that I realized that the only move I could do correctly translated, 
"Look at my beautiful body."
Piggie pig pig.

Delicious. The pig. Not the wash board abs.
I know 2 girls who might argue though.

Dinner and a show.

Adam, more ladies.


Don't look.

Funny Story, the picture below depicts the man that gave us tattoos. He saw us walking down to the beach after the show, when everyone was leaving. "OH! Hey guys! Did you guys have fun?"
Laura and Jessica pointing at me: "UM SHE WASHED HER TATTOO OFF!"
"Oh. That's okay, I'm not very good." *winks, grins*

Not impressed.

"Would you guys like to take a picture with me?"
Nah. I'm good. 

For some reason Laura was always the one that got stuck with the camera.

"Hey, so Monday I do the fire dancing....."
"Oh. Yah. cool! That's...yah. so great. Totally. Yah. well, yah, I mean that's great! I'd love to. Yah, cause Um fire is cause, yah totally! awesome. and stuff..." ~Jessica

On our way back to the car, Hawaiian Hunks stood around so the breathless tourist women could get more priceless shots with them.

I volunteered to take the pics. It was not a sacrifice in the slightest.

And a few more.

Just as we were about to leave, the girls say:
"Okay, Grace! Your turn!"
"No. I don't want to."
"You're doing it."
Laura takes my belongings, Jessica pushes me into the horde of bare skin and hairless chests.
"no, really...guys, I don't want to!"
The men push me into the small space between them!
"I'd rather not."

No thank you. Please stop. It's almost over. Just a bit longer. Don't move. At least this one doesn't wrap his arm around my back. 
Jessica couldn't go home without the snap shot we took at the beginning.

So, over all. It was great! Lovely weather! AWESOME food (I STILL have a food baby) and a great show! I would recommend a Luau to anyone who comes to Hawaii!