Saturday, October 1, 2011

A Day In the Life.

Well, yesterday was Friday, the day after our Switzerland trip. We were tired and dreary, with not enough energy to lift our cappuccinos to our weary lips. I got my bike from the shop and we went to the market for a bit, and bought more gifts.

We were invited to dinner by a lovely girl from the church that Brenda and Aaron attend. She's a very kind girl named Hannah, studying at the University, music major, I believe.. But those are all just average, good-to-know-facts on my new friend Hannah. A FUN fact about Hannah, is that she's Australian. And thus has an Australian accent. Incidentally my FAVORITE accent.

Some of you may not know, but I was given a GPS for my birthday last year. My dad seemed to think I would benefit from it, probly after I called him when I got lost on the way to my local library. :S It was the easiest decision in the world, choosing Lee (my smoldering Aussie navigator).

This is Lee, by the way.


It wasn't long before I acquired a somewhat PERFECT Australian accent. The ONLY downside to my accent was, that I could only intimidate a man's voice, and I could only give directions.
"Tiiiirn leift onto strawbeary line."
It's impressive, to say the least.

I was VERY excited to share my accent with Hannah. I figured it'd remind her of home, and we could carry on for hours, I'd of course just be telling her which route to take from my house to hers. "tyke thiid leift and bowrd playn to Amstidim." I told her of Lee, and my, to be modest, "abilities" and she seemed mildy interested. "Let's here eet thaine." Before I'd spoken 5 words, she'd nearly spit out her food laughing so hard!

Clearly, she had underestimated me. Clearly the reason she was laughing was because she was so amazed, right? Clearly I was SO dumfounding and awe inspiring that the only act of outward declaration was to laugh, joyfully with praise and admiration!

"Pretty good, huh?" I say with one raised eye brow and a smirky-lipped smile.
"It was....uh....I'm trying to think of an American phrase to explain it to you....." She said.
"Flawless." I thought of suggesting. She spouted off a few Australian terms, but they didn't mean much to me.
"A bit like a Red Neck!"

Red Neck....RED Neck.....RED NECK!

I refuse to believe it. Lee is NOT a Red Neck. He just likes hunting. But he cleans up nice. The type to bring home to the parents. He'd probly bring my mother flowers, and me, he'd just give a kiss on the cheek. He's the type that'd shake my fathers hand firmly, but not too firm, cause it's not a power struggle. He'd be offered a drink, but he'd politely refuse, "drwiving laytah, bettah not." Lee is perfect, no matter WHAT Hannah says.

I don't hold it against Hannah though. She just doesn't know him like I do. And she did feed us a DELICIOUS Aussie meal, and I had a lovely time.

Before dinner, we left a bit early so we could head into Amsterdam and see what there was to see. It seems that all things interesting happen when on or in between public transit. We got on the metro a bit late in the afternoon, so we were standing. It's first come first serve. None of that, "women and children" garbage here. So, I was standing. After quite a few stops, it screeched to a halt, and a young man who had been sitting, for stop after stop, as I stood with my achy back and feet, stood to get off at his stop. His hand closed around mine on the stability bar, accidentally [mmhmm, sure.], and I look to see what has hold of me. He looks down on me. Smiling a smile that wordlessly asks if I'd felt that same surge of chemistry and sheer bliss.

 I did not.

I reclaimed my hand. I don't think he took it too personally, he seemed to be on the rebound instantly.
And just as I was pointing to the seat for my pregnant friend to sit in it, a droopy pants-ed boy slides in. Chivalry is dead.

We hop off a stop or two later. Catching glimpse of something a block or two away, I lead the way into a VERY appealing little shindig. This is essentially what is was.

Us, paying someone to let tiny fish eat our flesh.

Amazing what they let people spend money on these days!

The "theory" behind it is, this fish, some type that's mainly from Turkey, eat the dead skin away from human flesh, and something in their mouths is left behind, some enzyme that is deeply moisturizing.

We were sat in the waiting area, where nice music and pleasant aromas put us into some sort of alternate dimension. I say that because if we were really aware of what was to come, we would have been much more nervous-sweaty. But as it were, we were quite relaxed.

Soon they issued us to join them. We climb a mountain of white carpeted stairs into a room where they told us to take off our shoes. We responded like small children, by doing exactly as they indicated. Then we put down our purses too. And like a blink, we were in a dark room full of blue lights and women with their hands and feet submerged in small pools.

They washed our feet and hands, and guided us to OUR chairs, where we could stick our hands into the pools of flesh eating monsters.

Like preteens to a Justin Beiber concert, the fish flocked to my feet in hordes. And then to my hands. It wasn't long before their little mouths grasped onto my skin, and began to chew it off.

"THIS IS HELL!" I screamed [inwardly].
Outwardly, my face distorted, goosebumps formed everywhere, shivers up and down my spine and I kept spouting things like, "ick! bllllleeeeeh! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I feel bad for the women who were trying to relax, who had to break from their peaceful trance to calm me down.

"It's alwright love! Just try to relax! You'll get used to it. Don't fidget about so!"
Brenda: "Just don't think about it. Imagine you're on a warm beach, in the warm water...."
"Getting eaten alive by tiny fish?! Yah, that's really not even that hard to imagine right now!"

And then something magical happened. I began to enjoy it. The sucking and biting became therapeutic. It was like they were eating away at the miles I'd been putting on my feet. They chomped and chomped, till there was no dead skin left to chomp. 

Then, regretfully. We left.

My hands and feet were so soft, I wanted to the WHOLE world to feel how amazing it was! I rubbed them over my face and thought how wonderful life had instantly become!

We later went to dinner, where I got side tracked by Aussie stuff. Lovely day, lovely dinner. Lovely serenading by an ancient, homeless man on our way home.

Happy Saturday!



  1. Nasty.

    I CAN NOT believe you really did that. Who cares if your feet are soft - they're covered in moisturizing fish barf! You know that shiver you get from sucking on a raw lemon, I did that at least 3 times during this post. EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!

    Okay, I'm done now.

    You've gone way too far into the whole European thing - you must come home now.

    Flesh eating fish barf. They're probably moisturizing your skin with barfed up someone-else's-skin! Okay, I can't get past it, so I'm just going to stop.

  2. Wonderful - Simply Marvelous!

    Now, where is Grace and what have you done with her????

    Just kidding. I'm dumbfounded that you actually went through with it!