Thursday, September 22, 2011

Flubber. I mean Grace.

  I sit here, adjusting the hem of my jeans so they will stop jabbing at my newly acquired belly-overhang. This excess of….whatever it is( Fat? Skin? Lunch? Second lunch?! ) reminds me every time I sit down that I really ought to not be wearing pants. That’d I’d be much more suited just to live life in a Moo Moo. Or maybe a Snuggy. But the leopard one, so I’d still be cute. ;)  I thought with all the cycling and walking I’ve been doing that I would go home actually MORE in shape. Not so. It’s quite a different really.

Everything here is served with a side of butter and/or mayonnaise, I eat 5 square meals a day of cappuccino cakes, milk duds and Stroopwaffles. And because I cannot stomach the water, I wash it down with something sugary, or a coffee with wonderfully, excessive amounts of whip cream. My face is breaking out due to my overall increased greasiness, my tummy is getting some squish, and I find I sweat much more. I’ve caught myself unbuttoning the top button of my jeans when I sit down now.

And still single? Amazing. TRULY amazing.

When I can, I sit with my book, or interweb connection of some sort and read or write. I’ve become pretty interesting that way, I’ll have you know. Though updating a blog, and reading sloppy fiction and Facebook status’ hardly count as anything to be impressed about, I do spend a lot of time looking out the Kulbe’s apartment window. It’s about as large as the width of the wall, and it overlooks so many interesting things, I get lost in it all. I’m sure I look angst-y or perhaps deep in important thought, but really I think about the bikers that I can see. I wonder where they are going, where they had just been. I wonder what it would be like to never own a car *shudder*.

I’m feeling far less grumpy today! A good night’s sleep and an understanding that apparently it’s not awesome to be around me when I lay around, do nothing and feel sorry for myself…..surprised? Me too.


Today we went to the floral auction. The viewing hours are only between 7 and 9 AM, so I woke up at 6.
 You’d think I’d never seen the hour of 6 AM before, judging by how many times I’ve yawned today. It’s ridiculous! Snap out of it!

Or just go take a nap.

That sounds just as reasonable.

But the floral market was wonderful! When we first walked in, it seemed as though we were in the wrong place. There were a bundle of flowers here, and bunch there. But certainly nothing like I’d hoped for. But we kept walking. And walking and walking, and goodness me, when will we ever stop this horrendous walking? And slowly, but surely, the carts began getting fuller and grander! They were more colorful and glorious! It was a miraculous transformation, and before I knew it I had taken 3,000 pictures of flowers, the kind that you show people and they are like, “yah…uh huh….coooool….oh yup, and some more….goodie…..” but to you, they are priceless! 
You can see how I was alarmed when I first saw this.

But then I saw these. 

SO wonderful.

Simply wonderful.

   We walked above, looking at the workers as they meandered about with their carts. Their only objective it seemed was to look busy. Flowers were moved from this cart to that, and then from here to there. As if being immobile was the only wrong move, they got on their fork lifts and pushed and pulled. I think they rearranged the whole warehouse 2 or 3 times just while we were there! And I’m pretty sure the only reason they did it was to look impressive for the silly tourists.

We ran into a large group of teenagers. You know, TEENAGERS. On a field trip it seemed. The boys’ pants drooped, and they wore far too much cheap cologne. The girls, whose make-up looked as though they were about ready to go on stage and perform some elaborate Broadway musical, adored the attention that the pimple faced boys’ gave them, as they pretended to be uninterested in the beauty beneath them. The boys' voices cracked as their little foul mouths went on and on bout how bored they were, but I saw them sneak a few pictures while no one was watching. Even a one-track minded “Secondary-Schooler” couldn’t walk away from such a place, completely nonchalance-d by it’s wonder.

I bought a huge, tacky, wooden tulip at the gift shop to remember the experience by. Because I’m like that sometimes: Sentimental and dowdy (and right now, pretty huge). 

After we got back from the floral market, we injected caffeine directly into our veins, and hit the road again. Feeling high on life…we tried jamming our bikes into the back seat of the car. Heh. Noooo go. So, we spat on our precious plans for the day and went to look at the castle we are considering buying.
Since I’m a rich, young American tourist with a massive trust fund, I told Brenda that she and Aaron could live with me if they gave me their baby. She’d obviously be kept on as the wet nurse and to take the baby whenever it cried, God forbid. And Aaron could be the court jester.  They must earn their keep.
When we went to view my garden, we discovered that our new house came with birds! "Birds of prey" actually. Well LA TEE DAH!! We walked up to these perches, and there were HUGE birds, just chillin' out! What on earth?! Then a man with an unfortunate hair style and lip piercing (you know the one under the lip, just above the chin? Awful. Just awful.) came out holding an owl! Just holding it. Like it was a kitten! He pushed it in my face! "You can pet him!" 
"Oh, no thanks. I'd rather be stoned to death." 
"No, really! He's friendly."
"I'm not." 
Brenda, the brave soul, reaches her hand in and pet the creature. "Aw. So soft." She gloats. 
"You really aught to pet him." 
"YOU REALLY AUGHT TO LEAVE ME ALONE!" But I realized our argument was going no where, so I decided to be the bigger man and just pet the stupid thing and get it over with. Hopefully coming out alive in the end.
So, with a quivering hand, I reached over to the belly of the bird as he had been doing (showing off) for the last 5 or so minutes. I curved my pointer finger so I could run it along the stomach, and closer. and closer. and closer I got. Until I finally made contact. Shivers ran up and down my spine. Hair stood up on my arms and my neck. 
"See, not so bad." In his stupid little accent. 
"yah.......whatever." my only defense.

Entrance to my garden.

My new Summer House
After deciding that I’d only buy the castle and keep it as a Summer House, we got back in the car and headed to Haarlem. The sun was shining and we were ready to get our shop on. But then again, fairly certain I'm CONSTANTLY ready to get my shop on.
Restaurant in Haarlem that we ate lunch at.

   Harlem was a beautiful town, full of amazing people to spy on. Quite literally my favorite hobby. The restaurants that have out door seating all face the chairs outward so you can people watch. I wish to kiss the cheek(s) of whomever thought of that. We ordered bacon burgers (they lied. It was not bacon. But still eat-able.) and I decided to try this "Heineken" that everyone keeps talking about. I order it. It comes. It's fresh, and cold. And it's in a green bottle. It's lovely. It'

The first taste...not so bad. 

   But it started tasting warmer. And more sour. And after about an inch or two more, I decided to call it quits, realizing that I just don't have enough hair on my chest for it. But I tired. I really did. You gotta give me that.

   I saw so many wonderful things as I watched the people. I saw an old lady with bleach blond dread locks down to her butt, I saw two lovely girls, dressed in revealing angel costumes glide by on their bikes. Followed by two (not so lovely) boys, hopeful, trying their hardest to catch up with the angels, calling for them, begging them to stop! They swooshed around the corner, out of my eye sight. I saw a couple come out of a near by church, recently married. A group of people, all greeting each other with kisses. So, so, so, so, so many kisses. Will you stop with the stupid, stupid kisses already! The two boys return from their mission, with nothing. Not even a bright red lipstick mark of their poor pathetic cheek. Well, at least they can say they tried. 

 We took a tour St. Bavo's church after we ate lunch. It was glorious. As all churches ought to be. Magnificent. Awe-inspiring.

Then we shopped. Till we dropped.
Which describes what's going on right now. The whole dropping thing.

 Lovely day.
I love Holland.

Tomorrow, my angel, Amara turns 2. And though I'm a million miles away, I think about her EVERY single day. I miss her more than memory foam. I love her more than my life. I can't wait to kiss your beautiful face, Baby girl!

be well my Loves


  1. "Daddy's little fatty!"
    It sounds like a perfect day!
    There is so much life to live - so much beauty, oddity and wonder in this glorious world God has given to us.
    I'm so happy you get to see so much of it!!!

  2. Grace! I love your writing!

    As if being immobile was the only wrong move...

    So, so, so, so, so many kisses. Will you stop with the stupid, stupid kisses already!

    And walking and walking, and goodness me, when will we ever stop this horrendous walking?

    These were a few of my favorite lines but then the whole post was awesome! I think it's so fantastic that you get to experience life on the other side of the world! Keep sharing so those of us here on this side can enjoy it too :)


  3. Wow! That was quite a day. I thought of about 12 "comments" to make while reading, but I don't want to look like I'm trying to write a second post for you. :)

    I wish your garden currently had that entrance...

    More than memory foam, really? I had no idea that was possible...

    I love how much you are cramming into your outing days! Have you killed off the pregnant lady yet?...

    I'm so happy you're seeing all these wonders, but so sad we're not seeing them TOGETHER! I miss being your travel buddy - I like showing you stuff and watching you enjoy it, not just reading your hilarious comments later :)

    Love you today!

  4. Grace,

    It has been so much fun hearing about and seeing your pictures from your many adventures!!! Blessings every day to you as you see God's world in a far different way.

    love ya!
    Aunt LeAnn

  5. Okay, so the post is funny, as just about all of them are...thanks for adding the smiles to my days. The kids and I read your post at lunch and decided unanimously that the part about the owl reminded us of our time with you in the Lorikeet cage at the zoo...yep, little fat friend, we can only imagine how freaked out you must have been to touch that owl. Miss you and love you...we enjoy reading your adjective happy posts!

  6. Hah! Connie! I was reminded of the same thing when I was being tortured by the owl! ;) I'm glad you're reading! :D